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When Your Friend Is Struggling and You Can’t Be There
The message comes in late. Your friend says it’s been a hard week, then a hard month, and then, almost as an afterthought, “honestly I don’t know how much more I can take.” You read it three times. You’re too far away to show up at the door, and anything you type back feels thin.
So you’re looking for a prayer for a friend, something real enough to match what they’re carrying. Before you pray it, it helps to meet a man in the Bible almost nobody remembers, who was in exactly your position. He was far from the friends he loved, he couldn’t go to them, and Paul says he prayed for them like a man in a fight.
A Prayer for a Friend, Learned From Epaphras
His name was Epaphras. He gets three short mentions in the whole New Testament, and you have probably read past him.
He was from the small town of Colossae. Paul tells the church there that they first “learned of Epaphras our dear fellowservant” (Colossians 1:7), so it seems he was the one who brought them the good news about Jesus in the first place. These were his people, his friends.
But when Paul wrote to them, Epaphras was not in Colossae. He was with Paul, far away. In the short letter to Philemon, Paul even calls him “Epaphras, my fellowprisoner in Christ Jesus” (Philemon 1:23). Scholars aren’t sure whether that means he was literally locked up with Paul or simply sharing Paul’s hardship, but either way, he could not go home to the friends he cared about.
So what did he do? Paul tells the Colossians at the end of the letter:
“Epaphras, who is one of you, a servant of Christ, saluteth you, always labouring fervently for you in prayers, that ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.” (Colossians 4:12)
“Labouring Fervently” Is a Wrestler’s Word
The phrase “labouring fervently” is one Greek word, agōnizomai. It comes from agōn, the word for a contest, the kind of struggle you’d see at the games, where athletes wrestled and ran until it hurt. You can hear it in our English word “agonize.”
That same family of words turns up in two other places that tell you how seriously the Bible takes this kind of prayer:
- In the garden of Gethsemane, Luke writes that Jesus, “being in an agony he prayed more earnestly” (Luke 22:44). The word for “agony” there is agōnia, from the same root.
- In Romans 15:30, Paul asks his friends to “strive together with me in your prayers to God for me.” “Strive together” is synagōnizomai, the same wrestling word with “together” attached to the front.
So when Paul says Epaphras was “labouring fervently” for his friends, he isn’t describing a polite mention at the end of a prayer list. He’s describing a man straining on someone else’s behalf, the way you’d push for a teammate who has fallen behind.
And notice the word “always.” This wasn’t one dramatic night. It was the steady habit of someone who couldn’t stop thinking about the people he loved.
What Most People Miss: What Epaphras Actually Asked For
Here’s the detail that changes how you might pray tonight. Look at what Epaphras was wrestling for. Not that every problem in Colossae would disappear. Not that life would get easy. He prayed “that ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.”
He prayed that they would stand.
That’s a different prayer from the one most of us pray first. When a friend is going through a hard time, we naturally ask God to fix it: heal the illness, restore the marriage, find the job. Those are good prayers, and you should pray them. But Epaphras adds something underneath them. Whatever happens, keep my friend on their feet. Keep them whole. Don’t let this knock them down for good.
That’s a prayer you can pray honestly even when you have no idea how your friend’s situation will turn out.
The Part Paul Made Sure They Heard
There’s one more thing hiding in plain sight. Epaphras’s prayers were private, but Paul didn’t keep them private. He wrote them into the letter so the whole church would hear: someone you know is fighting for you. Paul even adds, “For I bear him record, that he hath a great zeal for you” (Colossians 4:13).
Picture being one of those believers in Colossae, maybe going through your own hard season, and hearing that read out loud. You’d know you weren’t forgotten. Someone far away was still carrying you to God every single day.
Your friend may need to hear the same thing. Praying for them matters. Telling them you’re praying, specifically and honestly, lets them feel it.
If your friend’s hard time is grief, our prayer for a grieving friend goes deeper into what it means to stay close when words feel too small. If your friend has gone quiet, or you’re wondering why friends disappear when you need them most, that piece may help you understand what’s happening on their side. And if your friend is in the hospital, there’s a prayer for someone in the hospital written for those long nights.
A good place to start: The Beginner’s Guide to Feeling God’s Presence Every Day. It’s a simple way to notice God with you in ordinary moments, including the moments you spend praying for someone else. Get the free guide. Free.
Actions to Take Today
- Send your friend one honest line right now: “I’m praying that you’ll stand through this, and I’m not going to stop.” No advice, no fixes.
- Set a small daily reminder on your phone with your friend’s first name, so your prayer becomes “always” instead of once.
- Ask your friend this week what exactly you should pray for, then pray those words back to God, out loud if you can.
Journal Prompts
- What would it look like for your friend to “stand” through this, even if the situation doesn’t change?
- When did you last find out someone had been praying for you, and how did it change that season?
- What makes it hard for you to keep praying for someone when nothing seems to be shifting?
A Prayer for a Friend
God, my friend is going through something heavy, and I can’t be there the way I want to be. So I’m bringing them to you instead, and I’m not going to let go. Please fix what can be fixed, and where it can’t be fixed yet, keep my friend standing. Don’t let this knock them down for good. Let them feel that they’re not alone tonight, and give me the words to tell them so. Amen.
Something to Talk About
Is it better to tell a friend you’re praying for them, or to pray quietly and let them find out later? Tell us what you think in the comments.
Share This
The Bible’s word for how Epaphras prayed for his friends is a wrestler’s word. Praying for a friend isn’t a polite mention. It’s a fight on their behalf. (Colossians 4:12)
Epaphras couldn’t go home to the friends he loved. So he prayed that they would stand. Some nights that’s the bravest prayer there is.
#PrayerForAFriend #Colossians4 #Epaphras #PrayingForFriends #BGodInspired
Q&A: Prayer for a Friend
What is a short prayer for a friend going through a hard time?
A short prayer for a friend going through a hard time can be simple: “God, my friend is carrying something heavy. Fix what can be fixed, and where it can’t be fixed yet, keep them standing. Let them know they’re not alone. Amen.” It follows the pattern of Colossians 4:12, where Epaphras prayed that his friends would “stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.”
What does the Bible say about praying for friends?
The Bible treats praying for friends as hard, faithful work. Colossians 4:12 says Epaphras was “always labouring fervently” in prayer for the believers in Colossae, James 5:16 says “pray one for another, that ye may be healed,” and Job 42:10 records that God turned Job’s situation around “when he prayed for his friends.”
Who was Epaphras in the Bible?
Epaphras was a believer from Colossae who appears to have first taught the gospel there, according to Colossians 1:7. He later stayed with the apostle Paul, who called him a “fellowprisoner” in Philemon 1:23. Colossians 4:12 describes him as “always labouring fervently” in prayer for the Colossian believers he could not be with.
What does “labouring fervently” mean in Colossians 4:12?
“Labouring fervently” in Colossians 4:12 translates the Greek verb agōnizomai, which comes from agōn, a word for an athletic contest or struggle. English “agonize” comes from the same root. The phrase describes prayer as strenuous, sustained effort, the same word family used for Jesus praying “in an agony” in Luke 22:44.
How can I pray for a friend who lives far away?
A friend who lives far away can still be prayed for every day, as Epaphras prayed for the believers in Colossae while he was with Paul. Pray by name at a set time, ask the friend what they need prayer for, and tell them that you are praying. Colossians 4:13 shows Paul making sure the Colossians heard about Epaphras’s prayers for them.
Back to the Message on Your Phone
You may still not know what to type back. That’s alright. You can’t fix it from where you are, and you were never asked to.
But you can do what Epaphras did. You can carry your friend to God every day, wrestle for them to stand, and then tell them, plainly, that someone is fighting for them. That might be the thing that gets them through tonight.
If you’d like others to pray for your friend too, leave their first name in the comments. Readers on this page will pray for them by name.
