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You are standing in the card aisle with your phone in one hand. There are a lot of cards, and none of them sound like you. Your coworker’s mom died on Sunday. Or it was your neighbor’s husband. Or your best friend’s brother. You want to do something, and “thinking of you” on a folded piece of paper does not feel like enough.
So you search for sympathy gift ideas, and you get a long list of baskets. Here is a better place to start. It is one verse near the very end of the book of Job, and most people read right past it.
The Verse Most People Skip
Job lost nearly everything: his children, his health, his living. Most of the book is him and three friends arguing about why. Then, in the last chapter, after the text says things finally turned for Job, a crowd shows up at his door:
“Then came there unto him all his brethren, and all his sisters, and all they that had been of his acquaintance before, and did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him, and comforted him … every man also gave him a piece of money, and every one an earring of gold.” — Job 42:11 (KJV)
Read it slowly and you will find three gifts in it.
- They ate bread with him in his house. Food, at his own table.
- They bemoaned him and comforted him. They were sad with him, out loud.
- Every one of them brought one small thing. A piece of money. A gold ring.
Notice what is missing. Nobody brought an answer. Nobody brought one huge gift to make it better. Each person brought one small thing, and together it added up to a house full of people who cared.
That takes the pressure off you. Your gift does not have to carry the whole weight of their loss. It only has to be your one thing.
Sympathy Gift Ideas That Follow That Pattern
1. Bread: food at their table
Feeding people who are mourning is very old. The prophet Jeremiah mentions a “cup of consolation” given to people who had lost a father or mother (Jeremiah 16:7). Grieving people forget to eat, and cooking feels impossible.
- A dinner dropped off in a dish they do not have to return.
- Breakfast things: muffins, fruit, good coffee. Everyone brings dinner. Almost nobody brings breakfast.
- A grocery or meal delivery gift card, so they can pick the day.
- Paper plates, napkins, and tissues. It sounds plain. A house full of visitors runs out fast.
2. Company: being sad with them
Job’s three friends did one thing very well. When they first arrived, “they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great” (Job 2:13). The trouble started when they began to explain his pain to him. A few chapters later Job tells them, “miserable comforters are ye all” (Job 16:2).
So the gift of company is mostly the gift of not fixing it.
- A short visit where you mostly listen. If you are not sure what to say, here is what to say to someone who lost a parent, and why staying past the funeral matters most.
- A handwritten note with one real memory of the person who died.
- A ride. To the funeral home, to the airport, to the first day back at church.
- A date on your calendar three weeks out that says “call them.” That is when the house gets quiet.
3. One small thing: a gift they can keep
Job’s family each left something behind that would still be there after they went home. That is the job of a keepsake gift. It stays when you cannot.
- A framed photo of their person, especially one they may not have seen.
- A plant or a tree for the yard.
- A soft blanket for the chair they sit in at night.
- A scripture candle for the kitchen counter or the nightstand.
That last one is where a prayer candle fits in. Every MyCandlePrayers candle has a Bible verse on the front and a QR code that opens more than 100 written prayers, sorted by need. So on the night your friend has no words of their own, there is a prayer already written and a small light already on. There is no app to download and no account to make.
What to Skip
- Anything that gives them a job. A dish that must be returned, a gift that needs assembling, a plant that is hard to keep alive.
- Anything that explains the loss. Books and cards that tell them why it happened are doing what Job’s friends did after day seven.
- “Let me know if you need anything.” It is kind, but it hands the work back to them. Pick one thing and do it.
You Are Probably Not Too Late
Here is a detail worth being honest about. In the book of Job, the family with the bread and the gifts shows up at the end. The three friends had come early. The brothers and sisters came after the worst had passed. And the Bible still calls what they did comfort.
So if the funeral was last week, or last month, and you are only now looking for sympathy gift ideas, you have not missed your chance. A gift that comes after the crowd has gone home often lands when it is needed most. We wrote more about matching a sympathy gift to how a person grieves if you want help choosing.
The Candle Made for a Loss
If the person you are thinking of is a person of faith, or is reaching for faith right now, the candle in the line made for this moment is The Empty Tomb – Jesus Is Risen. It comes from the resurrection story in Matthew 27 and 28, where the angel tells the women at the grave:
“He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.” — Matthew 28:6 (KJV)
It does not tell your friend to stop crying. It sits on the counter and quietly holds the end of the story while they live through the hard middle. The old Hebrew idea of comfort was never just soft words anyway. We dug into that in our study of the Hebrew word for comfort.
A few plain facts, since a sympathy gift should be easy to receive. It is a 9 oz soy wax candle with 50 to 60 hours of burn time, so it lasts through many evenings. The glass is reusable after the wax is gone. And it ships to your door, so you can hand it over yourself with a note.
A Short Prayer to Pray Before You Give
God, my friend is hurting and I cannot fix it. Help me bring my one small thing and trust you with the rest. Be near to them tonight. Give them rest, and food they can taste, and one person who will just sit with them. Let my gift say what I cannot find the words to say: you are not alone. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Bread, company, and one small thing. If your one small thing is a light and a verse for their counter, the Empty Tomb candle is ready when you are.
Questions People Are Asking
Q: What are some good sympathy gift ideas besides flowers?
A: Good sympathy gift ideas besides flowers include a meal in a dish that does not need to be returned, breakfast foods, a grocery or meal delivery gift card, a handwritten note with a real memory of the person who died, a framed photo, a plant, a soft blanket, or a scripture candle. The best gifts ask nothing of the grieving person and still matter after the funeral is over.
Q: Does the Bible mention giving gifts to someone who is grieving?
A: Yes. Job 42:11 says Job’s brothers, sisters, and old acquaintances came and “did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him, and comforted him,” and that “every man also gave him a piece of money, and every one an earring of gold.” Jeremiah 16:7 also mentions a “cup of consolation” given to people mourning a father or mother.
Q: Is a candle an appropriate sympathy gift?
A: Yes, a candle is an appropriate sympathy gift because it is small, easy to receive, and stays in the home after the flowers are gone. A scripture candle adds a Bible verse to see each day. The MyCandlePrayers line also includes a QR code to more than 100 written prayers, and The Empty Tomb – Jesus Is Risen is the one made for a loss. You can see which verse candle fits.
Q: What should you not give as a sympathy gift?
A: Avoid sympathy gifts that create work or try to explain the loss. That includes dishes that must be returned, gifts that need assembling, hard-to-keep plants, and books or cards that tell the person why it happened. Job called friends who explained his pain “miserable comforters” (Job 16:2).
Q: Is it okay to send a sympathy gift weeks after the funeral?
A: Yes. A sympathy gift sent weeks after the funeral is often welcome, because it arrives after the visitors and cards have stopped. In the book of Job, the relatives who brought bread and gifts came at the end of the story, and the Bible still describes what they did as comfort.
